


I Could Be Someone's Darling

by perfectly_inept



Category: The Two Princes (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pet Names, Slice of Life, past trauma, post season one, terms of endearment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectly_inept/pseuds/perfectly_inept
Summary: Amir tests new pet names out on Rupert without realizing what one of them might remind the western prince of.
Relationships: Lady Cecily/Sir Joan (Two Princes Podcast), Prince Amir/Prince Rupert (Two Princes Podcast)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 217





	I Could Be Someone's Darling

**Author's Note:**

> No beta - we die like men. All mistakes are my own.

It had been almost a month since Rupert and Amir had survived the forest. The two princes were growing closer with their impending wedding approaching. Rupert loved Amir, and he was starting to really like Amir as well. It wasn’t that Rupert didn’t like Amir beforehand, he did, it was just a different like. Amir had been Rupert’s friend, and then partner, and eventually his fiance. But Rupert never really had a chance to start liking Amir as a boyfriend, as a crush. He fell right into loving the other boy. So Rupert was enjoying falling in like with his fiance.   
Rupert had found all these ticks and habits of Amir’s that he thought were hopelessly adorable. Rupert had actually started keeping a small diary with a list of all these little things that Amir did. 

A STUDY OF PRINCE AMIR OF THE EAST  
SOON TO BE KNOWN AS THE KING OF THE HEARTLANDS  
ALSO MY BOYFRIEND  
1\. He scratches the back of his neck whenever I ask him if he wants to have dinner alone with me.  
2\. When he’s reading, and it’s a really good book, he’ll start humming excitedly to himself.  
3\. He’s a brilliant dancer, but he leads towards the right when dancing, even though he’s left handed and should lead to the left.  
4\. When he gets tired, his cheeks turn red and he brushes his hand against his nose repeatedly.  
5\. When he’s happy, he’ll adjust his sword.  
6\. He’s never tasted peanut butter before and when I gave him some his smile took up his full face. He reacts like that to any good, new experience.  
7\. He does not like wearing shoes. If he can not wear shoes, he will not. In fact, mainly, he likes to be barefoot.   
8\. He does not like holding hands. He says it makes him too aware of his own hand and gets nervous that his hand is making me uncomfortable. Even if I tell him that I don’t mind or that his hand isn’t making me uncomfortable, he still doesn’t like holding hands.  
9\. He bites his fingernails constantly.  
10\. When he’s in a large group of subjects, his neck is always tensed up. I can visibly see him relax when we leave the room.

Rupert was sure he’d add more as time went on. Rupert was actually holding his diary now, preparing to add a new entry.

11\. He’s searching for pet names for me. Whenever I respond well to one, he’s in a good mood for the rest of the day.

Number eleven was a new phenomena. Rupert didn’t even notice it at first.The first time it happened was when Rupert and Amir were working together on some plans for the new castle.  
“Can you pass me the architect’s letter, my love?” Amir asked.   
Rupert was silent.  
“My love?” Amir tried again.  
Still nothing.  
“Rupert?” Amir cleared his throat.  
“Huh?” Rupert asked.  
“The architect's letter.” Amir repeated.  
“Oh! You were talking to me?” Rupert questioned.  
“Who else could I be talking to?”  
“I don’t know, Fitzroy maybe, or Porridge.”  
“Why would I call your dog or our dragon ‘my love’?” Amir laughed nervously.  
“Oh.” Rupert realized. “I guess you wouldn’t.”  
“No I wouldn’t.” Amir looked worried. “Is that okay? If I call you my love?”  
Rupert thought for a moment. “Yeah, yeah, that’s okay.”

Although it wasn't actually. Or it was okay, but it was not enough. Rupert couldn’t tell if Amir was just experimenting with new terms of endearment or if ‘my love’ felt weird on his tongue. Throughout the next few weeks Rupert learned to respond not only to my love but also to honey, sweetheart, dear, angel, sugar, pet, my heart, and even my star. If Rupert had to pick one, he’d have to say that he was quite partial to my star. Rupert also loved when Amir forgot himself and called him Fitz, but he knew that embarrassed the other prince, so Rupert never brought up his love for the nickname. Honestly Rupert viewed the whole thing as silly, sweet fun. He didn't need a pet name but Amir seemed insistent and Rupert hardly minded. And it made the other boy so happy, and who was Rupert to have an objection to something that made Amir happy. Rupert was happy just being pulled along for the ride. Until he wasn’t.

“Have you spoken to your mother yet, darling?”  
Rupert felt a rush of cold shot down his spine. He couldn’t place why this sudden rush of fear had filled him. Amir looked up from the book he had been skimming when he first asked the question. He furrowed his brow as he turned to Rupert, quickly asking,  
“Fitz, are you okay?” Rupert took a deep breath, Amir voice’s and the familiar old nickname grounding him.  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just a little lightheaded is all.” He explained, still unsure of what caused his momentary panic. Maybe it was something he ate or the temperature in the room.  
“Are you sure? You look a little pale.”   
Rupert looked up at Amir and smiled tightly. “I’m sure, I’m fine.” Amir still looked concerned but didn’t push the issue. 

A week later it happened again. This time it wasn’t Amir, it was his mother. They were working on wedding plans, because of course they were working on wedding plans. When was his mother not working on wedding plans. At first she seemed hesitant about the two princes’ plan to wed but when she realized she got to throw a huge party, a royal wedding, she quickly jumped on board.   
“What about the flowers?” Lavinia asked. “I think the light pink peonies are lovely. The color will match your skin tone very nicely. Although the purple stephanotis would look beautiful against Amir’s jacket. Oh I just do not know, there are so many options. What do you think Rupert, darling?”  
Rupert was already tired. He was done talking about flowers and table runners and color palettes and center pieces and wines and everything wedding related. He was frustrated and really wanted to go back to his bedroom and maybe kiss Amir before settling in front of the fire with a nice book. He was already on edge, so he decided that his bad mood must’ve been what caused him to react so poorly.  
“Don’t call me that.” Rupert said angrily.  
Lavinia turned quickly to her son, “What was that?” She asked, confused as to why Rupert sounded so upset.  
“I-” Rupert was surprised by his own actions. “I don’t know. I think I’m a little tired. I’m sorry, mom.”  
Lavinia tilted her head slightly. “Well head up to bed then, Rupert.”  
Rupert nodded and pushed his chair back, shook his head to clear it. “Yeah, yeah, I will. Sorry to cut this short, really-”  
“Go to bed darling.”   
Rupert’s jaw clenched, but he ignored the pit in his stomach and went upstairs.

Rupert was trying to understand it all. He was pretty sure he had identified what the problem was. He thought it was a little obvious. It was that word. Dar- no. No, he didn’t even like thinking about the word. What he didn’t understand, what he couldn’t understand was why? For some reason it frustrated him, offended him, scared him to be called someone’s… if someone used that pet name. And it wasn’t an isolated event, it kept happening, and it didn’t matter who said it either. Three days after he’d left his mother after she said it, it happened again.

Cecily and Rupert had been hanging out a lot more recently ever since the young girl had moved her affections from Rupert onto Sir Joan. Rupert thought she was a genuinely nice person. And she was fun to gossip with. The two would have tea or they would go outside and just watch the kingdom move around them.  
“I don’t know Cecily. I’m happy, really I am, but I can just feel something bad coming.”  
“You’re just over worrying, Rupey. I mean it, you have this gorgeous, strong, brave boyfriend and you’re about to be like the king of a whole new land. You’re like totally living your best life, I’m jealous, Rupert. You just need to relax and enjoy the ride.” Rupert smiled at the sentimental words, until, of course, Cecily ruined the moment. “I literally mean the ride, like your boyfriend is so hot how are you not all over him all of the time?”  
“Cecily!” Rupert squealed.  
“What? I’m just being honest with you.” Rupert laughed a little. He let his mind wander for a short minute to Amir. Last night they had had dinner together, they had talked and even shared quite a few kisses before Amir left. Rupert could feel his cheeks getting warmer and knew Cecily could see it too.  
“See? I knew it!” Cecily bragged. “You’re like as red as a strawberry darling!” Cecily was laughing. Suddenly Rupert thought he was going to vomit.  
“No… no.” He said quietly.  
“Rupert?” Cecily stopped giggling. “Are you okay?” Rupert swallowed slowly. He took three deep breaths, shaking his head to clear it.  
“Yeah, yeah. I just… um… no I just lost my train of thought.” Rupert laughed. It was a fake laugh to stop Cecily from worrying. It worked.

Rupert had decided it didn’t matter. He could just keep moving on with his life without worrying about it all. Take Cecily’s advice and enjoy the ride. Speaking of which,  
“Amir?” Rupert asked. “What are you doing here?” Amir was casually lounging on Rupert’s bed, a book of poems open in front of him.  
“Oh, I can leave if you’d like.” Amir sat up. “I just thought we could work together. Otherwise I’m just going to be bored alone. This way, we’re bored together.” Rupert smirked a little.   
“No, no, you can stay. That’s okay.” Rupert walked further into his room, sitting down at his desk, he had some letters to write. He was halfway through the first letter when he noticed the smell. “What’s that smell?” He asked, aloud.  
“I lit a candle.” Amir explained, “Is it too much?”   
Rupert took a deep breath, really trying to focus on the scent. It was sweet, but Rupert enjoyed it nonetheless. It smelled like vanilla and sugar and a little bit like cherries too.   
“No, no, I like it.” Rupert smiled up at his fiance. The two shared eye-contact for a moment and then both boys returned to their work. Time passed slowly as it always does when one is doing work they are not passionate about. But Amir had been right, being bored together was better than being bored alone.   
Enough time passed that Amir finally stood up from the large bed in the center of the room. Rupert knew what he was doing. Amir got restless very easily, but beyond that, the eastern prince often complained about how much his joints, his knees, back, and shoulders would utterly ache if he sat still for too long. Whenever they worked together for hours Amir would always rise at some point, walk around the room, stretch a little, and crack many bones before finally settling down again. Rupert was so accustomed to it that he didn’t even really notice it when Amir started pacing the room. It wasn’t until Amir walked over to Rupert’s chair and wrapped his arms around the western prince’s shoulders, halfway pulling him into a hug.  
“Hello.” Rupert said softly, putting down his writing and turning his head up for a kiss.  
Amir indulged his silent request and the two shared a small peck. Amir leaned in and hugged Rupert even harder.  
“Hello, my darling.”  
It all happened at once. Rupert couldn’t explain it until afterwards.   
“I need some fresh air, it’s too sweet, I can’t focus..” Rupert said, his breath coming in short gasps.  
“What?” Amir asked, tightening his hold on his fiance.  
“They’re a little constricting. Yes you can, now let go of me!”  
Amir stepped back concerned, but left a hand on Rupert’s shoulder.  
“Something’s not right, I should go.”  
“What’s wrong Rupert?”  
“No! Let me go please! Somebody help me! Help!”  
Amir jumped back as Rupert almost threw himself onto the ground. Amir watched in shock as the love of his life lay, shaking, on the floor breathing aggressively tears falling from his eyes.  
“Guards!” The eastern prince yelled. “I need… I need… Help! Help!”  
Amir fell to his knees and watched as Prince Rupert, heir to the throne, soon to be King of the Heartlands, defender of the Hallow, master of the forest, and Amir’s boyfriend, his fiance, his everything slipped into unconsciousness.

\--

Rupert was barely awake. He kept his eyes closed, in fact he just knew that the effort it would take to open them would be way too much. He just stayed where he was. Although, he didn’t actually know where he was. He didn’t remember falling asleep. Maybe he worked too hard and crashed at his desk- but no. No he was definitely on a bed. Well maybe Amir moved him, tucked him in. That would be nice. His mouth felt dry. His arms were sore and his left knee was burning. What did he do last night?  
“I don’t understand.” That was his mother, that was definitely Lavinia.  
Neither do I Rupert thought in response.  
“Neither do I.” Rupert heard Amir vocalize  
“But what happened Amir?” Atossa, Rupert recognized.  
“I don’t know, mother.” Amir sounded tired. Rupert wanted to rub his shoulders. “He just- He started panicking. I don’t know why.”  
I do. Rupert suddenly realized. He remembered what had happened last night. His mouth was dry from screaming. His arms ached from tightening and flailing them out, from resisting. His knee hurt because of the carpet burn he had received when he fell off of his chair.  
He had had a panic attack. A really bad one. As soon as Amir had called him- When Amir had hugged him so tightly, with that sweet candle, and that word… suddenly Rupert was no longer in his bedchamber. He was back in the garden of delight. Amir’s arms had turned into vines cutting off his circulation. The nice candle turned into the suffocating, intoxicating air of the garden. The term of endearment turned into a trap, a trick, a lie.  
Rupert hadn’t realized that he had opened his eyes until Amir was running over to his bedside and clutching his hand.  
“Rupert! You’re awake!” Rupert could see the relief flood his fiance’s face.   
“Amir…” Was all Rupert could say. 

Rupert explained the best he could. He still couldn’t bring himself to say… dar-. He couldn’t say it, but with enough hinting and guesses Amir figured it out. After walking his mother through what happened in the garden of delight, Rupert’s throat was scratchy. His mother had tears in her eyes. Amir looked like he wanted to kill the overgrown Venus fly trap again if he could. Atossa’s face just seemed understanding. It made Rupert wonder what she’d been through before her husband became a tree.  
“Everyone.” Rupert demanded. “I’m fine. I am, I just don’t think I can really handle that word much.” Rupert explained lamely. However, once he was done Lavina’s face hardened.   
“There will be a royal decree. No one will be permitted to use that word in your presence.” Rupert was astounded.  
“Mom you don’t have to- people don’t normally call me- really just Amir, Cecily, and well, you. We don’t have to write a whole decree about it.” Rupert wouldn’t admit just how much he knew the whole kingdom knowing about this would make him feel weak, less than, embarrassed. While Lavinia still seemed to disagree with her son, she nodded anyway. The two queens left and Rupert pulled Amir to lie next to him in their bed.  
“What can I do?” Amir asked helplessly. Rupert sighed, feeling his fiance’s pain deep within his soul. There was only one thing he could say in response.  
“Just stay with me.” 

Two weeks later the two boys were sitting in bed together. Amir had been reading aloud to Rupert, but the western prince interrupted him.  
“It’s not your fault.”  
Amir’s eyebrows pulled together. “What do you mean?” He asked,  
Rupert groaned. He shifted to be laying in Amir’s lap, staring at the empty wall, unable to make eye contact with Amir. “I mean… I know you blame yourself, but it’s not your fault. With the whole dar-” Rupert choked. “The whole panic attack thing.” Rupert fixed.  
“I don’t-” Amir paused for a long moment. “I do blame myself. I should’ve seen you didn’t like that… that word. I should’ve paid more attention. I don’t even know why I was so insistent on finding a pet name for you. It was- it was stupid.”  
Rupert’s neck snapped back to Amir. Quickly he lifted himself up and softly kissed the other boy. The kiss was passionate. Rupert attempted to tell Amir everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling just through this one kiss. Their lips separated, but their foreheads remained connected. “It was not stupid.” Rupert insisted. “I loved it, I really did.” Rupert swallowed. “I just can’t be your darling. There I said it. I can’t- that word will always take me back to almost dying. It will always remind me of the fear I felt, but you… Amir you saved me then and you save me everyday now.” Rupert gave his love another short kiss. “I want to be your love, your star, I even like it when you call me Fitz and thief.”  
Amir laughed shortly at that. Rupert joined him.  
“What I’m saying is… I know you’ve stopped, since, well everything. You’ve stopped using those sweet nicknames. I want you to start again.”  
Rupert watched as the brightest smile took over Amir’s face.  
“All you had to do was ask, my love.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that - thank you to Bri and to the two princes discord for putting up with me while I worked on this. My tumblr is findingfandomwithafangirl if you want to check that out. Please leave a comment - it is literally the nicest and most inspiring/motivating thing you could do!


End file.
